


Camels

by I_Skavinsky_Skavar



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-06
Updated: 2013-06-06
Packaged: 2017-12-14 02:58:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/831916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Skavinsky_Skavar/pseuds/I_Skavinsky_Skavar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony can't help wonder what Steve and Phil do out of sight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Camels

Tony Stark would be the first to admit he isn't the most observant of people. Except that’s not true, he would never admit it. He leaves the pointing out of his character flaws to Pepper.

  
He doesn't always catch on when someone is upset about him, or someone is acting strange, or someone is going behind his back, turning his company against him. But every now and then he has a good day, and he starts noticing things like how Steve tends to glance at the clock, and disappear soon after along with Coulson.  
It’s enough to pique his interest, and he wonders why were the two disappearing together so often, where were they going to and what did they do once they were there?

  
Try as he might, Tony can’t help but suspect it was gay sex.

  
Still, he has to know for sure. Natasha gave him strange looks when he asked her what was going on and made some distance. Clint pondered Tony's bribe briefly, then decided it wasn't worth it to get involved in finding out.  
So Tony had to go through with it alone, and through trial and error, one or two bugs, and nine-hundred dollars in bribes, he finds himself one Thursday afternoon in a darkened corner of the Hellicarier, watching Coulson enter a room, and ten minutes later, el capitane follows him in.

  
Tony waited fifteen seconds before he left the corner, and by the time he got to the door, it was twenty five. Twenty five seconds was enough time, Tony thought, for them to start kissing, but not enough for Coulson to strip down to his glittery, stark-spangled thong.

  
"Aha!" Tony exclaims as he swings the door open dramatically, and then, after a beat, he mutters,  
"The fuck is this?"

  
Coulson's lips are chapped, and at the moment they happen to be wrapped around a supple…. Pale…. cigarette.  
The flame from a Zippo in Steve's hands flutters just beneath the tip, not lighting it yet, as Steve, his own cigarettes already lit and lodged in the corner of his mouth, is distracted by Tony's intrusion. The room they're in is mostly bare, and there's a window open, that Tony thinks is the only one of its kind aboard.

  
"What are you doing here?" Steve asks in annoyance.  
"What are you… Doing… In here?" Tony asks in return, indignantly.  
"I'm having a cigarette. What are you doing in here?"  
"I'm catching you in the act…"  
"What?" Steve asks, his patience wearing thing, as he raises the Zippo to light Coulson's cigarette, then flicks it shut and drops it into his pocket. He takes a drag and exhales a moment later through his nostrils.  
"I'm here, because…. I wanted to ask you… Questions about…. Guadalcanal."  
Steve takes a drag, takes the cigarette out of his mouth and exhales again.  
"It was before my time." Steve says, clearly not buying it. Beside him, Coulson fidgets uncomfortably, and Tony is sure that he hasn't taken a single drag yet.  
"What a shame." Tony says and scratched his chin, "So you smoke, huh?"  
"Yes, I do, and look, I know everything you'll tell me."  
"You do?"  
"Yeah, I know they kill, but I think if I can survive seventy years on ice, I can handle a pack every three days."  
"I don't think I can argue with that."  
Coulson takes the cigarettes out of his mouth and held it at an angle, so its smoke doesn't blow directly at his jacket, and clears his throat.  
"The Hellicarier is supposed to be a smoke-free environment, Mr. Stark. We would appreciate it if we could keep this between just the three of us."  
Steve nods as he raises the cigarette to his lips and puffs.  
"You want to not tell Fury something?" Tony asks, "Okay, just this once."  
A brief revile on a bugle rings out, and Steve takes out his phone to view his incoming text.  
"I'm wanted topside." Steve said as he flicked his cigarette out of the window, "Sorry to bail on you, Phil."  
"Anything serious?" Tony asks, "Do I have to come along too?"  
"No, I have to brief those Army Rang-"  
"Nevermind. You lost me at 'brief'."

  
Steve slips past Tony on his way out, bidding both men a farewell. Once they’re alone, Tony smirks at Coulson, who takes a moment before he awkwardly sticks his hand out the window and throws his cigarette away.

  
"You're not a super-soldier, Coulson."  
"True, but I do get stabbed by omnicidal space gods, so it's not like that'll be the thing that kills me."  
"Uh-huh. You didn't take a single drag. Not one."  
"Well, you showed up… and…"  
"And Cap wasn't looking so you didn't smoke, and when he left, you decided you didn't want to smoke after all."  
Coulson hung his head wordlessly.  
"Do you smoke just so you can hang out with Cap? Agen- Phil. Do you smoke so Cap will think you're cool?"  
Coulson leaves the room without a word, and Tony shakes his head as he follows him out.


End file.
